first post...don't get your hopes up.

  Most students hate getting up in the morning to go to their classes.  I hate waking up, but I never miss a sculpture studio class.  I feel so fortunate that I get to do exciting things.  At least I think I do exciting things.  Metal casting, patinas, chainsaws, welding, wood working, plaster, clay, wax, etc. but most of all, fire.  Sculpture.  It can be anything, anywhere, and anytime you want it to be.  The possibilities are endless, astounding, and frightening.  It may sound dramatic, but I don't really think I could be this passionate about any other emphasis in art.

But if I have so much passion for sculpture, that would mean that I produce a lot of work, right?  Wrong.  In fact, as I write this post, I should be finishing a subtractive wood piece, a steel piece with mixed media, a steel chair with mixed media, a wax for the cast iron conference, and a number of waxes for glass casting.  With an exception of the last two on the list, I needed to have those done for this semester and the photo documentation for it.  Apparently I am bad at taking pictures of my work because my professor advised me to take a digital photo class.  It's true though.  I'm really bad at it.

I was in the studio almost every day.  Why didn't I get all of my stuff done?  It comes down to constant hesitant mindset and being easily distracted.

 And by easily distracted, mean whatever bugs the shit out of me.  With the hearing-damaging and vapor and particulate-polluted air which hangs around the numerous localized messes, it's unfortunate that I am easily annoyed and easily distracted.

Or rather, if I look annoyed, it should keep people away, right?  You wouldn't walk up to that dirty, pissed-off girl sitting in a pile of wet cement to ask some dumbass question like "what are you making?"  Last semester, I think I still had some restraint.  Rather than saying what I was thinking which was "I'm making sculpture, dammit!  LEAVE ME to my suffering.  I hate everything!"  I managed to make a considerably less offensive reply, "I'm still figuring it out.  I'm in the process stage."  

An example of my "process"
1)  Oh I have this great idea!  It's gonna be soooo cool!
2)  Ask professor about it, suggests a material I've never used before.  cement.
3)  Challenge Accepted!
4)  gung-ho attitude. buys all the necessary things.
5)  gets started.  mixing cement is hard work.  oh well, this is going to work anyway.
6)  Expectations are seeming unrealistic by the minute.  what the shitballs?!  it's like trying to nail jello to a tree!  
7)  Doubt.  this isn't going to fucking work.  this isn't what I wanted.  
8)  Self-doubt.  is it because I'm stupid?  Am I too incompetent to work with cement?  I suck.
9)  Misplaced blame.  no. HE sucks.  cement was his bright idea.  he should have known I'd be too impatient and incompetent for this.  
10)  Misplaced blame overrun by shame.  oh god.  my professor is going to think I'm an idiot. why can't I get this right?
11)  sadness.  I want to cry, but it wouldn't solve anything.  people walking by would think there's something wrong.  nope.  nothing wrong here except a sad girl sitting in a mess of wet cement by a shitty steel sculpture.  I want to go home.
12)  realization of situation (brief moment of clarity)  I can't go home.  I need to finish this.
13)  anger-tinted realization  look at this fucking mess I made!  I'll never get home.  fuck.
14)  incoherent rage fit, finishing the wet cement sculpting  RRRGHHHHFFFUCKINGASSSANDWICHFACEGHHHHHEEEHHHHHHUhhhhhhh 
15)  Gives up. for now.  SEE YOU TOMORROW, YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
16)  comes back the next day, RAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!
17)  Creative problem-solving.  I'm going to hit you with hammers and then douse you with linseed oil and light you on FIRE.  then you will be done.  
18)  Misplaced rage and resolution  HAHA.  I win, you stupid cement.  Are you better than fire and hammers?  
19)  Critique and Retrospection.  holy crap.  I am insane.  I need psychiatric help.





So I like sculpture...